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"Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence." I clumsily pushed the heavy wooden door with a pudgy hand and peered in through the dim entryway where I could see the glint of my mom's blonde head cradled between her hands on her queen sized bed. She was alone. Waddling across the hardwood floors with my Barbie doll in hand, it was silent except for sound of the padding of my bare feet and the occasional muffled sniffle coming from my mom. I tossed the doll onto the bed, breaking the silence with a soft thud. I reached for two small handfuls of the quilt draped over the bed and stretched my stubby leg for something to boost my two-year-old self up onto the bed. My mom looked up and rubbed her eyes with her fingertips gently before scooping me up and pulling me close on her lap. She picked up my Barbie with one hand and bounced me onto her hip and the three of us walked out of the quiet house and drove away. My mom divorced my biological father when I was two. My memories of him are few and far between. After the divorce was final and my mom was granted sole custody of me, I soon forgot his simplest characteristics. After a few months I no longer remembered the smell of the familiar chewing tobacco he kept in the front pocket of his threadbare flannel shirts. I soon forgot about my fascination of the way he poured and mixed his cereal. I failed to recall details about his dirty white Toyota pickup that I loved. He nearly disappeared from my memory altogether by the time I began to visit him on rare occasions. Strangely, I noticed distinctly other men being around during my stays. He was never very affectionate or fatherly towards me. As a consequence, I became less and less comfortable around him. During one visit in particular when I was seven or eight, I walked into the kitchen to see him in a tight embrace with another man. When he saw me watching he pulled away quickly and chastised me, indicating that it was rude to sneak up on people. That was one of my last memories of him. I did not visit him again. He was in and out of my life over the next ten years, making his appearances through birthday cards and Christmas cards, which diminished around the time I was 12. By then, his place had already been filled by a new dad. The last time I heard from him I was 16 and it was not until then that my mom confided in me that my biological father was gay. The gap I felt in our relationship had finally been filled and for once I felt at peace. However, after years of no contact with him, I also felt troubled and uneasy with the sudden intrusion into my sturdy life. I had to make the decision whether or not to foster a relationship with him. I was very conflicted and after seeking therapeutic advice, I decided that letting go of the intermittent relationship was best for me and my well-being. My father shaped my personality in irreversible ways. His lack of fatherly love and affection, along with the feeling of abandonment, caused me to develop a deep-rooted distrust in men and as a consequence I have become very close to my mom. In ways, this inhibits me. My inability to trust keeps me from being open to relationships and I tend to walk away before I am walked away from. However, learning he is gay helps me understand him, as I always felt that I was infringing on his life when I was around him and I never knew why. Now knowing that he is gay, I understand and I can define myself a bit more clearly. My quiet and stuck up appearance closes me off to potential relationships. Then again, the relationships I have managed to maintain are valuable and are not superficial. I blame my father for many of the internal conflicts that I have. But I am grateful to have such a great relationship with my mom. I am proud to be myself and to have an accepting heart towards everyone. I am excited to share myself with the college community. Most importantly, I look forward to shaping my future the way the past has shaped me.
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Introduction
  • Is the main idea (i.e., the writer's opinion of the story title) stated clearly?
  • Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Does it make the reader want to keep on reading?
Body Paragraph
  • Does each body paragraph have a clear topic sentence that is related to the main idea of the essay?
  • Does each body paragraph include specific information from the text(including quoted evidence from the text, if required by the instructor)that supports the topic sentence?
  • Is there a clear plan for the order of the body paragraphs (i.e., order of importance, chronology in the story, etc.)?
  • Does each body paragraph transition smoothly to the next?
Conclusion
  • Is the main idea of the essay restated in different words?
  • Are the supporting ideas summarized succinctly and clearly?
  • Is the concluding paragraph interesting? Does it leave an impression on the reader?
Overall Essay
  • Is any important material left unsaid?
  • Is any material repetitious and unnecessary?
  • Has the writer tried to incorporate "voice" in the essay so that it has his/her distinctive mark?
  • Are there changes needed in word choice, sentence length and structure, etc.?
  • Are the quotations (if required) properly cited?
  • Has the essay been proofread for spelling, punctuation, grammar, etc.?
  • Does the essay have an interesting and appropriate title?
Parent's Significant Influence on a Child
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Parent's Significant Influence On A Child

Words: 748    Pages: 3    Paragraphs: 7    Sentences: 43    Read Time: 02:43
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              "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence. "
             
              I clumsily pushed the heavy wooden door with a pudgy hand and peered in through the dim entryway where I could see the glint of my mom's blonde head cradled between her hands on her queen sized bed. She was alone. Waddling across the hardwood floors with my Barbie doll in hand, it was silent except for sound of the padding of my bare feet and the occasional muffled sniffle coming from my mom. I tossed the doll onto the bed, breaking the silence with a soft thud. I reached for two small handfuls of the quilt draped over the bed and stretched my stubby leg for something to boost my two-year-old self up onto the bed. My mom looked up and rubbed her eyes with her fingertips gently before scooping me up and pulling me close on her lap. She picked up my Barbie with one hand and bounced me onto her hip and the three of us walked out of the quiet house and drove away.
             
              My mom divorced my biological father when I was two. My memories of him are few and far between. After the divorce was final and my mom was granted sole custody of me, I soon forgot his simplest characteristics. After a few months I no longer remembered the smell of the familiar chewing tobacco he kept in the front pocket of his threadbare flannel shirts. I soon forgot about my fascination of the way he poured and mixed his cereal. I failed to recall details about his dirty white Toyota pickup that I loved. He nearly disappeared from my memory altogether by the time I began to visit him on rare occasions. Strangely, I noticed distinctly other men being around during my stays. He was never very affectionate or fatherly towards me. As a consequence, I became less and less comfortable around him.
             
              During one visit in particular when I was seven or eight, I walked into the kitchen to see him in a tight embrace with another man. When he saw me watching he pulled away quickly and chastised me, indicating that it was rude to sneak up on people. That was one of my last memories of him. I did not visit him again. He was in and out of my life over the next ten years, making his appearances through birthday cards and Christmas cards, which diminished around the time I was 12. By then, his place had already been filled by a new dad.
             
              The last time I heard from him I was 16 and it was not until then that my mom confided in me that my biological father was gay. The gap I felt in our relationship had finally been filled and for once I felt at peace. However, after years of no contact with him, I also felt troubled and uneasy with the sudden intrusion into my sturdy life. I had to make the decision whether or not to foster a relationship with him. I was very conflicted and after seeking therapeutic advice, I decided that letting go of the intermittent relationship was best for me and my well-being.
             
              My father shaped my personality in irreversible ways. His lack of fatherly love and affection, along with the feeling of abandonment, caused me to develop a deep-rooted distrust in men and as a consequence I have become very close to my mom. In ways, this inhibits me. My inability to trust keeps me from being open to relationships and I tend to walk away before I am walked away from. However, learning he is gay helps me understand him, as I always felt that I was infringing on his life when I was around him and I never knew why. Now knowing that he is gay, I understand and I can define myself a bit more clearly. My quiet and stuck up appearance closes me off to potential relationships. Then again, the relationships I have managed to maintain are valuable and are not superficial.
             
              I blame my father for many of the internal conflicts that I have. But I am grateful to have such a great relationship with my mom. I am proud to be myself and to have an accepting heart towards everyone. I am excited to share myself with the college community. Most importantly, I look forward to shaping my future the way the past has shaped me.
             
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